I wasted four years of my life being trashed on drugs. Anything I could get my hands on, Vesperix, Mandrax, LSD and my personal favorite, Cocaine.
In the beginning I had no desire to stop. I loved the way they made me feel, loved the excitement of being in the ‘underworld’ and there was no impact on my finances, as my boyfriend was a dealer. Life was great!
Then I ran into a group of old friends that I had not seen since school. It was really awkward listening to their success stories, and then making up one of my own. I left them, realizing that for two years my life had stood still. Any dream once aspired to had been vaporized by the drugs. I resolved to cut back and at least attend a course or two. Easier said than done, right!
I got as far as enrolling into a computer programming course, but the day I was supposed to start, I was coming down off cocaine and had no energy left for anything but another line. The next two years were a battle of wills, I would sometimes make a day, even a week of being straight, but the minute I was either down, bored or in drugged-up company, my strength would falter and I would tell myself who gives a sh#t, you only live once, enjoy!
So how did I give up drugs? I found something I loved more! I fell pregnant! Now I’m not saying this is the right fix for everyone, not at all. In fact I really do not recommend bringing a child into this world if you have an addiction. Even if you stop the minute you find out you are pregnant there is still an impact on the fetus. My daughter suffers from Bipolar!
The day I found out I was pregnant I knew that there was more to life than wasting it away. I had something meaningful, something real! For the first time ever I saw myself as something more than just a ‘Party Girl!’
It did not mean that the cravings were gone, but I suddenly had a real desire to stop. To make it easier for myself I distanced myself from all my drug-friends, even my boyfriend! I went home to my parents where I got lots of love and nutrition. I kept my mind busy by reading every self-help I could find. M Scott Peck Road Less Traveled was one of my favorites. To keep my hands busy I took up knitting and learning to program. By the time my baby was born the cravings had stopped and I felt healthier than I had in years.
If you are having a problem with addiction and really want to stop, ask yourself the following questions :
What is it you want to be remembered for when you die?
When last did you participate in a hobby?
Are you lying, stealing or cheating about/for your drugs?
Is there anything meaningful in your life? Kids, Spouse, Pet, Work?
Have you reached out to someone for help?
Is this really what you want for yourself?
What are you accomplishing by ‘being out of it’?
Have you really considered the consequences?
What helped me:
Realizing I had more to offer than just being a good-time girl
Distancing myself from drugs and the crowd
Accepting help from my family
Keeping my mind and hands busy
Eating a healthy diet